Waqt

यूँ बार बार घडी को क्या देखना "कबीर" ,
वक़्त ही तोह बदले है हालत तोह नहीं .

ज़िन्दगी

रूह सहमी है इसे कोई  सहारा दे ,

तूफ़ान में फसी इस नाव कोई किनारा दे |

आज खुदा का सामना करना है ,

गुनाहों का सारा हिसाब दे |

खुद के गुनाहों से डर लग रहा है ,

इन गुनाहों को छुपाने को कोई हिजाब दे |

जिंदा रहने की येही कीमत होती है ,

"कबिर" अपने मौत से तू इस ज़िन्दगी की लागत दे |

कब तक युही तुझसे लड़ता रहू ज़िन्दगी ,

आज फुर्सत है आज ही  फैसला कर दे ||  

The Beni-Mulayam-Sonia Cycle .

The Locked Heart

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Avadhesh, after his three fail attempts in Medical Entrance exam took admission in Zoology (H) at Hansraj College. Last three years were most painful years of his life. All he did was studying but his hard work was going in vain.  But he was happy finally he got the admission. No more coaching, No more mugging of Physics theories, chemistry formulas and biology terms, No more test series, No more rushes to fill exam forms and applying to Medical colleges. He can start his College life now. Somewhere deep inside his heart he was even happier and the reason for this happiness was his childhood crush is also taking admission in Hansraj College.

His childhood crush, Ritika, she was like the dawn, fair like the open sky, soft like rose petals and her voice soothes hearts. This made Ritika the most wanted girl of school. She too was preparing for Medical entrances at Varanasi. Though Avadhesh and Ritika were classmates but they hardly spoke with each other. Ritika was in top ten at coaching while Avadhesh was in last ten. Ritika had qualified in Medical entrances in her last two attempts but she opted out because she wanted AIIMS, at least she said so.

After orientation Avadhesh talked to Ritika for the first time in his life. He had talked to her in school but mostly he asked for notes or her marks that is it. Unlike his expectation Ritika was frank and welcoming. After normal Hi-Hello she gave her number to Avadhesh. This was the best day for him.

Classes began and on first day Avadhesh was sitting with a girl for the first time and that too with the girl whom he liked from his KGs. He was anxious but after seeing Ritika calm and smiling he too got the confidence and finally got some relief when teacher entered in the class. They became good friends after few weeks.

Meanwhile Avadhesh likeness for Ritika was turning into love. Once he asked Ritika whether she is single or committed. She replied "I am not committed but I have a huge crush on a guy and I like him a lot. My heart is LOCKED just for him and I wanna spend all my life with him." She didn’t reply when he asked “Who?”  . When Avadhesh insisted and asked “Whether he is from our college?” She just nodded in yes and left the library. But still their friendship continued.

Sitting on LP and talking for hours was their favorite past time. Whatever time they were left with they were together. Night was the only time when they were separated . One day Avadhesh asked her for movie after classes and she said “Why after the class ? lets bunk and go !“ . The movie was a romantic one. Though Avadhesh was getting bored but Ritika was the reason for his excitement. She was looking at her and she was just smiling. Then slowly she hold his hand and pressed it a little. That was too much for him. He got the signal and without thinking he just kissed her on her lips … initially she was shaking and then after a moment she too started responding. Both were keeping their eyes closed. This was probably  their first kiss. When they  opened their eyes it was interval time and lights were. Damn ! people were smiling and looking at them. They were embarrassed and because of their embarrassment they left the hall. They took different autos and left for the hostel. For weeks they didn’t made eye contact. Both were confused , though they were still sitting together but things have changed now. They never talked about the kiss and never watched any movie after that incident.

Their three year preparation for medical entrances was helping them a lot in their academics. In first year Avadhesh got first Rank in the University, Ritika got the second rank. In second year both got the first rank. In third year again “Entrance exams” have ruined their results but still they managed to secure their ranks in College.  Wonderful performance in University exams easily fetched seats in MSc program for them.

Whole Zoology Dept. of University treated them like couples. They never objected or appreciated this. When Avadhesh friends inquired about how intimate their relationship is Avadhesh simply said they are not in a relationship these are just rumors, they are just FRIENDS. No one believed him. His friends thought he is too shy to accept his relationship in front of them.

As expected they did well in MSc too. Qualifying NET was proved to be cake walk for this duo. They applied for ad-hoc jobs in University and got offer from KMC. They accepted. Life was going cool. Meanwhile Avadhesh used to ask her about his crush. Most of the times she tried to ignore his questions or just changed the topic smartly.  One day they were sitting in canteen and he asked her “where is your Mr. Perfect “. She said “He is also got a job in a college”. Avadhesh was stunned after listening this. He asked like a child “Is he too smart and dashing?” She replied “Yes, he has killing looks; I know seven girls from our college were ready to die for him”.  Though Avadhesh was also very good looking and he have got few proposals as well but these seven girls were ready to die for him made him insecure. He just said “Hmmm”.Then she said “Let’s go for shopping”.  Someone has told him girls love shopping and paying their shopping bills is the key that can open their locked heart. Without losing a second he said “lets go”.

While doing shopping Ritika was buying more for Avadhesh . He was confused after seeing this but he just thought understanding a women is next to impossible and decided to work on th mahamantra “ Ignorance is bliss” .

Years passed and now Avadhesh’s parents started asking about his marriage plans. Avadhesh simply said NO, he wanna focus more on his career. As a usual he was confused with Ritika plans. When he inquired she said the guy whom she loves not wanna marry now he is focusing more on his career.

Year passed Avadhesh inquired about Ritika ‘s boyfriend or crush whatever he was and he always got confusing answer. One day while he was coming to his room he met with a deadly accident. Seven of his ribs were broken and he was lying in ICU in AIIMS. Surely this was the last moment of his life . Doctors after looking in his phone called Ritika . She left everything and she was there. When she met the doctors they said “ He is just having few minutes.  Though his operation was successful but his lungs have literally ‘brust’ due to extreme outside pressure that was created at the time of accident and his blood pressure is also fluctuating drastically. We did whatever we could. He was keep saying your name so we called you. “ She went inside the ICU and after seeing him  a tear rolled up and fallen on her cheek. His eyes were open but  he can’t move . This was the first time Avadhesh saw her crying. He was cursing himself for making her cry.

Avadhesh knew this is going to be the end , end of his life and his love life too. Lots of thing were going on his mind. All he wanted was few more moment with her. Meanwhile she had called his parents and they are coming to Delhi with next flight. She was sitting beside him holding his hands in her hands and pressing it like she did when they went to watch their first movie . Avadhesh still in his senses felt the touch and a sweet smile was on his face.

And then there was a sound in the room. It was the cardiograph. When she looked at it she rushed to call the doctor but before she could stand he hold her hand and said “Please don’t go , I don’t have much time.” His blood pressure was going down He wished he could say something , when he opened his mouth all he managed to say was “Who is the owner of the key that can open your LOCKED heart?  If you loved him why didn’t you got married & why he was too shy to meet me ?”.  Before she could say anything the cardiograph was silent , there was a dead silence in the room as his death has arrived. She walked away from there and this time she was not crying. She was silent like that cardiograph.

She called her parents as well and asked them to come to Delhi. Then drove towards Rohini . Everything was too slow today. She stopped at the chemist shop and bought a bottle of sleeping pills. She thought she need some rest. When she reached her home instead of going to her bedroom  she went towards her desk. Her best friend have asked a Question and she owe him an answer. She had decided everything while she was driving. She wrote a letter that said :

Dear Avadhesh .,

You always complained that I avoid giving you answers. You never gave me any opportunity so that I can ever complain about anything. You always took care of mine and you own a very special place in my heart and my life as well. I just have one complain ,today you left  me alone at least you could have asked for my company. See I am trying to mock you and as a usual  I failed again.

Life is too fast , see the first time we met in the school. I was 9 years old .Now I am 39 when you are not in this world. These 30 years were very long wait . You must be thinking what I was waiting for. I have got whatever I have desired. I wanna tell you these 30 years were worth living and you are the BEST reason for it.
 
I am working on your complain today. I will answer all your questions today.  But before I start answering    today I wanna tell you that I liked you from that first day I have seen you .You know I wanted to study Maths in plus two only you were the reason of mine to opt for Biology. I studied so that I can join the college which you will join. I even declined to take admission twice because I was waiting for you to decide what you are planning to do. When our common friends informed me about you are going to DU I have also decided to go there. I was getting St Stephens but you were the only reason to join Hansraj.

 Whenever you asked about my relationship I never lied I told you the truth. Today when you asked “Who is the owner of the key that can open my LOCKED heart”. My heart bled after listening to this question. My love ! No one else could ever be admitted here, since this heart was made only for you. I am now going to shut it. I have consumed 60 sleeping pills. Now I will sleep and dream about you. I am happy at least unlike other days this dream of yours will last forever …

Only Yours

Ritika

Why Food Security Bill need to be quashed ?

What a good news ! President Pranab Mukherjee on 5th of July signed the ordinance on Food Security to give  two-third population the right to get 5 kgs of food grains every month at highly subsidized rates of Rs 1-3 per kg.

On first look it seems it is a good step taken by government in the interest of the people but such a rush in passing this bill forces us to doubt on their intentions.

It is well known that million of tons of food grains are rotting in open as the country lacks storage facility. Food grains are rotting in FCI godowns and on the other hand people are dying because of hunger. Due to this Supreme Court had intervened and ordered center to release food grain three years back and repeated harsh words again !  Instead of complying with the Supreme Court direction to release food grain for the protection of life of citizens of India, UPA-2 has released a food bill via ordinance route for securing political mileage for their election mandate.

According to the Article 123 of the Constitution that deals with the power of the President to adjudge  ordinances during the recess of Parliament has been misused as there was no "emergency" situation.So this ordnance should be QUASHED as there was no emergency circumstances exist to issue impugn ordinance hence it does not comply with the terms of Art. 123. Therefore, the impugned notification is unconstitutional and is liable to be declared unconstitutional and void.

How can we allow Article 123 to be misused by the sitting political parties in government for their pre-election propaganda for political purposes?

Needless to say  it must be quashed and the food grains should be released immediately. We dont need any BILL to comply with Supreme Court order. UPA is trying to to crouch its incompetence under the FSB cloak. An open attempt to take credit of something that they never intended to do but they are doing because of Supreme Court pressure. I no where see Bharat Nirman all I can see is Propaganda Nirman by Congress and its allies.

A lawyer has filed a PIL against this FSB I am sure Honorable Supreme Court will do justice to it.

Why Engineers are crazy about CAT?

After spending 6 years of shitty life (2 years preparing for Engineering colleges entrance exams and 4 years "mugging" for passing end sems while they were in College. ) every engineer is crazy about CAT. But Why ? Today your favorite Sri Sri 108 Ganja Baba will try to find the actual reason behind it.

See while they were in +2 their parents said "Beta 2 saal padhle fir toh aish hee aish" . When they got admitted into engineering college they found their parents were right ... Now all they got is 'ashes' of their dreams.While they were dreaming about getting a girlfriend like Katrina Kaif  they found girls in their colleges are almost Jassi type. Savita Bhabhi, Brazzers, Xvideos became their lullaby then.

Now lighting a cigarette ie sutta while having Tea ie Chai for busting stress is a common practice in almost all colleges of India and especially in Engineering colleges this Chai-Sutta combo is becoming a Immortal .

After four years, on the placement day all high paying  jobs were given to those JassiS. Bloody perverts HRs!

Now they are left with two option either prepare for GATE or do MBA. They know they will become as lonely as Kamaal R Khan if they will start preparing for GATE but MBA i.e. CAT preparation is different. CAT preparation means coaching at CP where they can find Menkas , Rukmanis and Apsaras and Apsaras every where. And if they get time after their  Girlfriend Hunt MDMF (Maal Darshan Mood Fresh ) they can study and get into any good B-School with their awesome Quant Scores.

No matter what they say during their Personal Interview for "Why MBA ?" question there is not even a scintilla of truth in their statements that they make during their PI.In B-School its the life they dreamed about ,  they can booze ,get laid ,  find their first love , smoke weed, have sutta whenever they like and after 2 years when they finish their course they can get a job which pays enough so that they can continue their dream life till their last breath.

If you think like this CAT then you are definitely a PUSSY .

But the actual reason for their craziness about CAT is, CAT is synonymous to PUSSY. ;)

Why American/Europeans are prosperous ?

We Indians clean our houses and make it home , decorate it with candles , lights , lamps, design rangoli etc etc in a hope that Goddess Laxmi will come in our home and bring prosperity there  ...

 Meanwhile when she was exactly at the door we burst loud MURGA CHAAP crackers she must have got afraid because of its loud sound and decided to go in peaceful Europe /America , I think this is the reason Europeans / Americans are more prosperous than us :D ...

Promises

We always make promises to others sometime we keep the promises , sometime we have some reasons to break them but do we ever think about the promises that we make to ourselves daily ? Like I will wake up at 6 am , I will do exercises , I will finish my work , I will prepare lunch and the endless list of self made promises for ourselves which are seldom kept. Most of the time either they are ignored or postponed till the tomorrow and tomorrow never comes …

It’s  good to observe the human trend of how honest is someone to himself. One who is not honest and loyal to himself how can he become loyal to someone else ?

If you are not happy alone then there exist a very small probability that you will be happy when you will be in a relationship …

These are nuance which can be observed when we are thinking about ourselves … And according to Philosopher it’s called SWADHYAAE ...

Just think what good and what bad you did to your inner soul , how many times you lied to yourself  and how many times you are going to hurt your soul ? Doing so certainly brings a lot of positive changes in someone’s attitude .

Why so much hype around Ishrat Jahan Case ?

Almost every national daily , every news channel is full of one name ISHRAT JAHAN . Who was she ? According to the recent affidavit filed by CBI , she was a terrorist and she was encountered (believed to be staged one ) . Ok fine, a terrorist was encountered now why so much hype ONLY around this case when lots of staged or real encounters are happening in India ? Lets see the background of Isharat and other three persons who were killed in this encounter . Source : Wikipedia

Ishrat Jahan Shamim Raza

Ishrat Jahan (1985 – 15 June 2004) was a second year Bachelor of Science student at Mumbai's Guru Nanak Khalsa College.She was the second of 7 siblings. Her lower middle class family, hailing from Bihar, lived in the Rashid compound in the Muslim-dominated area of Mumbra in Thane district in Mumbai. Having lost her father Shamim two years before her own death, Ishrat taught tuition and did embroidery work to support her family. Ishrat's father Mohammad Shamim Raza was the proprietor of a Mumbai-based construction company called Asian Constructions while mother Shamima worked for a long time at a medicine packaging company in Vashi.

Ishrat used to work as the secretary of Javed Sheikh (Pranesh), and used to handle his accounts.Javed used to take her out of town at times on work.

Pranesh Pillai (alias Javed Gulam Sheikh)

Pranesh Pillai alias Javed Gulam Sheikh was the son of Gopinatha Pillai, a native of Noornad in Kerala. He was married to Sajida, and had three children, including a daughter.

Pranesh had migrated to Mumbai in search of a job. Before his death, he had been booked for four assault cases in Mumbai and Pune, and had also been charged with involvement in a fake currency racket.In the mid-1990s, he converted to Islam and changed his name to Javed Sheikh to marry a Muslim woman called Sajida. Gujarat Police recovered two passports from Javed: one obtained using his original name Pranesh and the second one in his new name.

Ishrat's family first met Javed Sheikh just two months before her death. He had taken Ishrat to Nasik, Bangalore and Lucknow, where he is believed to have met Amjad.

Amjad Ali Rana

Amjad Ali Rana, also known as Akbar or Salim, was alleged to be an LeT terrorist from Haveli Diwan, Pakistan. He was reportedly found dead with an AK-56 rifle near his body. Amjad is believed to have met Javed several times in Oman, and also Javed and Ishrat in Ibrahimpur once.  Amjad introduced Ishrat and Javed to Zeeshan, the fourth victim.

Zeeshan Johar

Zeeshan (alias Jisan Johar alias Abdul Ghani Son of Kalu alias Janbaaz), along with Amjad, is said to have been caught in a trespassing case in Srinagar in 2003. Nobody claimed the bodies of Amjad and Zeeshan after the encounter. An identity card with a Pakistan address was reportedly recovered from Zeeshan's body. However, a later report by the metropolitan magistrate SP Tamang stated that identity cards were forged by the police and the two men were Indian citizens, although it did not give any evidence on this.

Now just look at the background of the people who were accompanying her. Each of them was convicted earlier on serious charges. It is very simple to guess , Ishrat was being used by them . She was puppet in the hands of their masters. As her history was clean no one will doubt on her innocence. But let me tell you she was anything but not INNOCENT and this is not my personal view both IB and CBI have confirmed that she was a terrorist. In June 2013, the Intelligence Bureau chief Asif Ibrahim told the office of Prime Minister and Home Minister of India that the Bureau had enough evidence to prove that Ishrat was a part of an LeT module which planned to kill Narendra Modi and Lal Krishna Advani.

Now even a fresh graduate like me can see how Congress is trying to Politicise this encounter. But when this particular encounter took place (June 15, 2004) the UPA was already in power in Delhi and M.K. Narayanan, our sharpest, and most powerful spymaster after B.N. Mullick and R.N. Kao, was NSA (internal security) and controlled all intelligence agencies, particularly his alma mater, the Intelligence Bureau, which he had led (1987-89, and 1991-92) and most of whose officers had served as his subalterns. It is clear that the UPA’s security establishment knew exactly what had happened and had accepted it, until the courts brought in the CBI. 1

Fake encounters are not new this same week a sub-inspector (SI) in Punjab should have made headlines, but didn't. The SI from Tarn Taran - once a minefield of militant activity - suddenly announced that he had eliminated 83 people in encounters, several of which were planned set-ups done on the orders of his superiors. In police folklore though, till Surjit Singh broke his silence (the police argued that he'd had too much to drink when he made the statement), he was somewhat of a local hero. By his own admission, he was promoted on a fast track.    2

Congress's official media partner NDTV , Tehelka  and its jurnos are repeatedly trying to prove Ishrat Jahan's innocence . Only Radia knows Why ;) ? It was too much when a NDTV journalist said on air that "Isharat Jahan came to do a Chota-Mota Blast not to kill Narendra Modi" . Does he mean if someone is killing a senior politician then only he will be considered as a terrorist ? Dont that idiot knows even a chota-mota blast makes orphans of many children ? It is clear that In their attempt of bashing and giving "Blows to Narendra Modi" they have lost all their senses.

Now why so much hype around this Ishrat Jahan Case ?

The reasons are simple :

1. It happened in Gujarat .
2. She was Muslim.

Now anything wrong happens with Muslims in Gujarat our mainstream media is always having its sword ready to slit Gujarat CM Narendra Modi for it. 2014 elections are near and this Ishrat Jahan case will help in polarizing the Muslim voters and it is a boon for them to give satisfying services to their masters.

India is a free democracy and every one has the right to get fair trials in Courts. Killing anyone in cold-blooded encounters should be publicly condemned. Not giving fair trials is same as murdering the Constitution of the country . Courts are there to punish culprits , Police is there to check on law and order. No sane man can ever support staged encounters. But what if the encounters are not the staged ones ? What if Gujarat Police officials are victimized to gain political benefits ? This case is in court and court will do justice to it. Who are Tehelka , NDTV and few so called Human Rights activists to give verdict that Gujarat CM is culprit ? If this encounter is staged one then surely this was done by Police and IB officials to get bureaucratic benefits. CBI in its report had said it was a joint operation by Gujarat Police and IB. If Tehelka , NDTV and few so called Human Rights activists are saying Mr Narendra Modi is responsible for this because this all happened when he was in power then they should think again because IB is under PMO. By their own logic I can simply say Prime Minister Manmohan Singh , then Home Minister Shivraj Patil are also responsible for this fake encounter!

Enough is enough. This country now  knows what propaganda is. I can't start my day while looking at a terrorist picture in my newspaper's front page no matter how innocent she looks it. There are other issues and other ENCOUNTERS too going on in this country. From the day this CBI affidavit on Ishrat Jahan case came in news I think everyone forgot 2G, CWG, Coalgate, Augustawestland & an ordinance was passed on Food Security Bill , Bansal got clean chit by CBI. If UPA can pass an ordinance on FSB and get the bill passed why can't they pass an ordinance on Jan Lokpal bill ? Why our respected journalists [pun intended] are silent on this?  Journalist should at least respect their profession even though they have sold their self-esteem and self respect to a Political party .

PS ~ I am not associated with any political party .I have written this article because I was fed by reading continuous propaganda .

000=Sibalnama=000

Ms Madhu Kishwar , a Sanghi,  wrote Modinama. There is ZeroL0ss in writing such long articles. All she talked about development  and blah blah. There was no masala, no “blow to Modi” phrase  . Not a single droplet of crocodile tears in it. It was not even about 2002, how can we treat it as a secular article? Also Ms Kishwar is a Hindu so this makes her Communal Sanghi. Let us conclude it was not a secular article. This post is a reply to her Modinama … Like her I am also not paid a penny to write this. I have used the maha mantra of Ctrl-C+Ctrl-V to write this pragmatic report. I will call it Sibalnama.
So here is Sibalnama written in the honor of the great legendary KRK of Indian Politics the one and only Mr Zero Man of India aka Mr Sapil Kibal.This post is dedicated to the most stupid, unintentionally hilarious Politician of India. He is so funny that Kapil Sharma of comedy circus is feeling his career is in jeopardy .
Ruining IITs  : ZeroL0ss
Ruining IIMs : ZeroL0ss
Ruining Universities : ZeroL0ss
Ruining Education System : ZeroL0ss
Saving A. Raja : ZeroL0ss
Telling blatant lie of ZeroL0ss in 2G  : ZeroL0ss
Corrupting Education System: ZeroL0ss
Piece of shit called Aakash : ZeroL0ss
Bullying CAG Vinod Rai : ZeroL0ss
Weakening JanLokpal movement with Agnivesh : ZeroL0ss
Torturing India with his poetry : ZeroL0ss
Shouting “You are corrupt too” : ZeroL0ss
Favoring M/S Phoenix  Rose LLC  : ZeroL0ss
Vodafone tax scandal : ZeroL0ss
Favoring Son’s client : ZeroL0ss
Internet Censorship :ZeroL0ss
Suppressing Free speech with Sec 66A  : ZeroL0ss
Banning FB pages and Twitter accounts  : ZeroL0ss

Anonymous hacks Sibal website.

In the end I would like to quote hacktivists  Anonymous , who wrote this line after hacking Mr Sibal's website. “Born with below-60 IQ he[Sibal] thought he could mess with the Internet and let the elite of his party suppress freedom of speech”.

Note:- No matter how original , how relevant , how pragmatic this post looks like but it is as fake as Mallika Sherawat’s accent.

PS ~ No animals were harmed during writing this post. Except few mosquitoes but ,as Grammar Nazis will say, Mosquitoes are insects  not  animals . Ha ! I just trolled Grammar Nazis. I rock ! I am awesome. I am Sri Sri 108 Ganja Baba.

Anonymous Azad

If Chandrashekhar Azad was alive today he would be fighting with our corrupt govt and must have pioneered India's fight for free speech .
Edited by Demented Pundit

Happy Birthday to me

Today ie 23rd June 2013, is birthday of the writer inside me. No, it is not a coincidence that I am sharing my birthday with great Hindi poet and philosopher Kabir but actually I have decided to start writing with Kabir as my pen name on this day, 4 years back. I used to write on my fb page and yes your guess is right, no one gave a damn about my posts there :D .

 After my break up I have deleted my facebook account and now I am a respectable citizen of Twitterpur .
I will not booze or smoke weed today but still I will party.This party will be a different one. I will write and write and write and hence I am going to celebrate my birthday :-) . You all are invited ... Comment box is your stage come and throw your alphabets to dance there ... -

Rahul Gandhi was spotted watching Confederations Cup 2013 : Brazil Vs Italy

Twitterpur: Today Twitterati and mango Tweeps rocked the mini universe of  Twitter by asking and trending #WhereisPappu  ,we would like to tell our readers that Mr Rahul Gandhi is popularly known as Pappu on twitter. Tweeps are very sad because of sudden disappearance of Mr Gandhi that too during Uttarakhand floods. Some of their tweets are as follows :
@RKRKocRs tweeted : "We are missing your jokes , Oh Naadan Parinde Ghar aaja #WhereIsPappu".

@lololuloy tweeted : "There is a natural calamity in Uattarakhand and no Politician made any chu^%$@tic comment, RahulG we are missing you #WhereIsPappu"

Radio channels got flooded with song request dedication for Mr Gandhi almost all of those request asked to play "Nadaan Parinde Ghar aaja".Some of the tweeps even reported filing RTI asking where is Rahul
Gandhi.

A file picture of INC Vice President Mr Rahul .

Due to all this Congress elite tweep Sir Sanjay Jha have to come forward but as a usual he was trolled and later on ignored . Then Ajay Maken and Manish Tewari tried their luck but this time Tweeps were united and Congress senior leaders too failed to put any impact.
What is more shocking is even Mr Gandhi 's mother Respected Supremo Soniaji too has no idea about where is he. RAW , IB , CBI , Delhi Police etc were ordered to find Mr Gandhi. There were some speculations that Mr Gandhi is kidnapped by Sri Nitish Kumar so that Congress can be forced to support Nitishji's government during confidence voting in Bihar assembly.

Nitish Kumar after winning the Confidence vote in Bihar Assembly

According to MDTV sources ,which are more anonymous than anonymous itself , said all UPA MPs were forced to withdraw all their money from Swiss Bank accounts so that ransom amount can be given to Mr Kumar. This act made India 's ranking to go down . Now Pakis have more money in their Swiss Accounts than Indians . Mr Pharad Sawar and Mr Kuresh Salmadi have showed their disgrace , in their joint statement they said "This is disgusting , How can Queen bee do this to us ? That too to save worthless Baby Bee ? This is not done this will destroy the honeycomb".

The S duo , Mr Salamadi and Mr Sawar during their joint press conference.

Later on all these speculations became faking news today when Rahul Gandhi was spotted in Salvador, Brazil cheering for Italy during a match between Brazil and Italy.Needless to say Italy lost the match.  Mr Gandhi was found due to going on US sponsored surveillance program in Brazil . Faking News star correspondent Sri Sri Ganja Baba have got the exclusive tape in which Rahulji was seen wearing Italian tri colour make up and cheering beside Italian team coach Prandelli Cesare. We could not contact Rahulji because IB said this may put Mr Gandhi's life in peril. When we asked about Rahul 's presence in Brazil and wearing Italian flag make up, during on going press conference of Minister of Information and Broadcasting Mr Tanish Mewari he said "Mr Rahul Gandhi's act is holistic one . He is trying to make better International relations. "

Exclusive Picture of INC Vice President watching Italy Vs Brazil match at Salvador , Brazil obtained by Star Reporter Sri Sri 108 Ganja Baba.
Finally Tweeps have got the answer of the biggest trending question from yesterday. Now they are afraid that Mr Gandhi will go to Uttarakhand for political stunt and this will definitely hurt the ongoing rescue operations.  They just want Rahul Gandhi to make a comment so that they can make jokes on it. Meanwhile US President Mr Obama who is facing strong protest over NSA  have got one more point to support on going Surveillance programs.
PS ~ No matter how original it looks but this is a work of fiction.

Manmohan Singh announces his post retirement plans

After his statement that Rahul Gandhi is ready to step into his shoes, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has announced his post retirement plans.

In an exclusive interview with our star correspondent Sri Sri 108 Ganja BaBa, he said that like other celebrities, he too will judge a reality show on a national TV. When asked the details about the show, he kept silent for 45 minutes and then called Respected Supremo Soniaji. During the conversation that followed, all he said was ‘Theek Hai’ , ‘Sorry Madam’ , ‘Theek Hai Ok Madam’ , ‘Theek Hai Thank You Madam’ and then hung up. He ent silent for 45 minutes.

When our correspondent, who was under the influence of marijuana so that he can tolerate a bot, insisted and showed him the clip of Sunny Pajji’s Gadar handpump video to motivate him, the Prime Minister opened up:

PM Mannuji : I will host a show that was long ago hosted by Anupam Kher.

GB : Lead India?
PM Mannuji : khikhikhi, thoda purana.

GB: OMG! Sawaal Dus Crore Ka? Amitji’s KBC will get tough competition then!
PM Mannuji : (Sneaky) NO! ussae thoda naya… khikhikhi

GB: “Ohk, now I got it, it’s Say na something to Anupam Uncle, Right?
PM Mannuji: Yes!

GB: So you must be excited about your new job. Are doing any special preparation for it?
PM Mannuji: Babaji, Look I have enough experience of handling toddlers, I don’t need any special preparation for it.

GB: Grandkids?
PM Mannuji: heeheehee, You are funny! But a big NO! Ok Baba, leave it, I will tell you. You know Baba, you ROCK! This is my first interview without any script . This is the first time I am speaking without reading any draft passed by 10 Janpath. This is a very touching moment of my life. After my marriage, I hardly spoke and then I became PM and then all I did was script reading wohooohooooo… No one listens to me wohooohooo.. snob snob.. This is first time I am speaking that much without any pause and someone is actually listening to me.

GB : (Confused) Please take this tissue.
PM Mannuji: Thanks! And Sorry I became little bit emotional. Anyway, where were we?

GB : You were telling about your toddlers handling experience.
PM Mannuji : Oh yes , dementia you know… well I have enough experience to handle toddlers as I have handled RahulG for so many years! He loves me and I know how to keep him happy. I know what kids want right from Talpenliebe and Mother Dairy Tilk to giving ride on my back.

GB : Damn ! I was thinking about but felt hesitated to say this because of IT Act and sec 66A.
PM Mannuji: hhehehe, don’t worry Police and IB is busy on Twitter and Facebook, they don’t care what you are doing in real world. Well, getting back to my plans, my reality show will come on Saturday 8 PM on NONY Entertainment Channel.

GB : Congratulations Mannuji for your post retirement job. It was too good to see you talking.
PM Mannuji: Thank You ji , Tussi bhi bade sweet ho. Rab tohanu Faking News ka deputy editor bnawe.

When our correspondent was about to leave Mannuji picked up the phone and said “THEEK HAI” but this time his voice had a sardar touch.

Written for FAKINGNEWS.COM .
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2013/06/23/manmohan-singh-announces-his-post-retirement-plans/
PS ~ This is a work of pure fiction :)

Aankho Ke Khwaab

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